La Bise

I used Google Translate for "la bise", and it gave me that answer = why Google Translate SUCKS.

@the YFU French orientation, they told us a lot of things about France that is usually learned on the first day in high school.

THEN they started talking about la bise: the French greeting where they kiss each others cheeks.

Except, it's not kissing?  Here, there's no romantic association with it.  And so my utter confusion.  I'm glad that the YFU people had us practice it: it's a bit strange the first time, and the thing is, it changes depending on the region of France you go to.  Some places, only once per cheek, some places twice per cheek.

Basics:
You have to lightly touch cheeks with the other person.  No face slamming!
You have to make the kissing sound, the little smooch sound.  Not 'mwa', don't do that, you'll seem stupid.  I suggest you YouTube it because I have no idea how to phonetically type out the kissing sound.  If I tried you'd end up sounding like an ogre.

I feel kinda awkward doing it, but it's not terrible.  Actually, now I'd only feel awkward if the kissing noise was made...out of sync with the other person.  As in, if you do it once per cheek, you should only hear the kissing noise twice, since you and the other person make the noise at the same time.

It's really weird to explain in English.  You're not like...making out with their cheek.  You don't turn your head towards their cheek - face forward.  

Here it's like a wave, or a handshake.  I guess hugs seem strange to people who aren't used to them, "WHY ARE YOU TRAPPING ME WITH YOUR ARMS??"

Another thing: apparently, only girls have to do la bise with everyone: guys and girls.  Guys are lucky, they can get away with shaking the hands of other guys.  If I shakes anyone hands they'd give me that look of "quoi??"

Also, I was told to always start with the right cheek, but I've seen other people start with the left.  My advice? Just wait for the other person to start first if you have no idea. Monkey see, monkey do.