Homesick :: Nostalgique

Perhaps some of you will think I'm terrible for this, but I've only been homesick once.  It wasn't for a good reason either, like skyping my parents, or messaging my friends.

I went to a birthday party for one of my host family's (many) relatives.  My host family is extremely close, and I think it's easier to be so when everyone lives in a country the size of Texas.  My family isn't like that, of course, considering how it takes an entire news program just to talk about what happens on the other coast of the USA, never mind across the ocean.

too big to be friends with everyone

If you've ever been to a party with your boyfriend or your girlfriend, you'd understand what I mean.  It's like a huge clan of people that are connected to each other, and then there's you.

I'd be a tiny box in chilling in the white space next to a family on the side

Alright, so never mind the fact that I was surrounded by French people.  That's normal!  I do that everyday.

The birthday girl was turning 20 something years old, so all the adults left in respect of the college kids that wanted to party.  Me, being one of the kids, was left behind with the other cousins and the party-ers.

Slightly less normal.  At least when I'm at school or at (my French) home, I know my French friends or (direct) host family members.  Well, my host parents left, and my host brothers were off who knows where playing a video game on a DS or talking with their family members.  So there I was, surrounded by a bunch of people I didn't know, that also spoke a different language. 

Of course, there was some music, and some people started dancing.  At that point, I was slightly relieved, because at least dance floors are familiar.  Everyone forms a mass of moves that are universal.  I could just copy what others did.

maybe then they wouldn't notice that I was different

Except, just kidding.  I guess dancing is less liked in France, since only six people were on the dance floor at a time.  They always formed those circles too, so you can't join in.  Even worse, they danced properly, with partners.  By that I mean, a guy and girl would take each other by hand and waist and start twirling and dipping.

Now see, at first, it was cool to watch all the people spinning and twisting, and it was cool to listen all the French music.  That's all fine until you realize that you want to dance, and there's no one to dance with.  I sat on a (at least it was comfy) leather couch and just stared at people whirling by me. 

they could learn from French college students

Then I got hit with all the feelings of missing my friends and wanting to be with them when I heard one song.  It wasn't a sad song either, nor a love song, not even a classic.

Homesick: *********** Me:0

Why?? Because one, that is a really addictive song to dance to (something I couldn't do at the moment), two, I learned the entire rap to it because of my friends, and three, I remembered the last time I got to dance WITH MY FRIENDS, and not surrounded by a bunch of twirling Francophones.

I'm so glad that I wasn't wearing mascara or eyeliner because I'm pretty sure it would have been ruined.  I had to rinse my face TWICE.   

properly though, this girl clearly doesn't understand how to wash her face

At that point, I was pissed.  First, at the fact that no one was on Facebook so I could gripe to them (indeed, I searched for one of the family members to hook me up to the Internet), then because I was spending time in France, EXPENSIVE TIME IN FRANCE (I calculated out that each minute is about €0,02 for me), trying to talk to Americans that I could talk to after my 0,02€ per minute year.  It's like a REALLY bad cell phone contract, and your phone is calling people ALL the time.

I made sure that I got off my couch of depression and talk to the other people.  I was not going to waste my expensive year moping.  That night, I met some people that went to various parts of the United Kingdom (just try to imagine their accents in English) and I got an invitation for a tour of Paris.

Oh, that's right, I can just go over to Paris if I want to

Sometimes I forget I'm in France.  After getting used to the fact that everyone speaks a different language (duh), honestly it feels like a very long sleepover at a friend's house while going to a boarding school.  I muddle through the day, and then I mechanically fall asleep.

I was told that dreaming in French means that you're well-adjusted to France.  I haven't exactly been spewing Voltaire and Molière in my sleep.  Honestly, I haven't been as immersed in French as I should be.

seeing it oughta shock my subconscious into Frenchiness